When you talk about your loftiest dreams and what you would do if you had all the time and money in the world, you might feel pressured to say something like, “Travel the world!” or “Vacation on an exotic island with my besties!” or “Buy a mansion and host lots of parties.” And maybe those are your real-life dreams. But what if all that traveling and peopling sounds like the stuff of nightmares? What if, even if you became a bajillionaire tomorrow, your ultimate fantasy is to stay home forever and be a hermit?
Because for many of us, that is the dream. Not seeing the world, but rather, curling up under a blanket in our favorite chair and getting lost in a book. Not visiting the most famous restaurants in the world, but instead, ordering takeout and never putting on real pants again.
Listen, if you’re adventurous and an extrovert and want to go to all the places and meet all the people, have at it! Send a postcard. But if you’re an introverted homebody who wants nothing more than to binge Netflix, read good books, and eat soup that appeared on your doorstep via DoorDash, that’s okay too.
“whenever i offend someone or have an awkward interaction, i just want to close myself in at home and not talk to them again. the shame is overwhelming.”
“think i’d better just stay home and keep my mouth shut. thought we had a nice dinner w/friend the other night, now find out something dh and i said made her mad. she never let on. it was unintentional. no more, i can’t take the drama. bye bye”
“I’m introverted, as are a few of my coworkers. Us introverts are actually more productive than our extroverted team members (whom I love dearly) because we’re not standing around talking, joking, & giggling for half the day.”
“Isolation is nothing new for me. I started doing it when DS8 was born because going anywhere with a colic baby and a toddler was a shit show. It turned into social anxiety and ppd, then I just wanted to stay home to recover from the trauma. Covid is easy.”
“Leave. Me. ALONE.”
“SO and DS17 are leaving for Spring Break in 2 weeks, while I stay home alone and try to catch up with work. Disturbingly, I think I’m as excited about a week w/o SO than SO is about going to Disneyworld.”
“All I want to do is stay home, binge watch TV, surf the net, eat, text or chat on the phone, and not go anywhere.”
Some of us truly like isolation and just. want. to. be. left. alone. No, Nancy, we don’t want to come to your “candle party.” No, coworkers, we don’t want to do the grab-bag exchanged at the company holiday soiree. No, MIL, we don’t want to have you over for dinner. We really just want to be left alone. Like ALONE alone.
“if dh did not force us going out, i’d use the pickup feature at our local stores. i hate going out but he insists we must cause he does not trust them to pick exactly what he wants. if i could choose, i’d never set foot in a store again. love home based.”
“The more I stay home because of lockdown, the less I want to go out. This pandemic is turning me into a hermit.”
“I’m so spoiled. Dh works so I don’t have to, my kids are relatively quiet, sweet, and both brilliant af. Even my dog and my cat rock. I’m over society, I’m going to hermit for the rest of my life.”
“I’m 57. Kids grown. DH retired & I no longer work. Since Covid turned me onto a hermit lifestyle, I NEVER want to leave my house anymore. I’m not agoraphobic, I’m not depressed. I’m just perfectly content left to my own hobbies. Socializing is overrated.”
And just because we are happy little hermits, that doesn’t mean we are true agoraphobes or our unwillingness to go inside a store when we could just get delivery is tied to some childhood traumatic event. It must just mean we really, really like our house—our kitchen, our couch, our bed, our bathroom, our quiet. That’s all. Hermits gonna hermit.
“this upcoming trip has actually given me panic attacks. never had them before. can’t wait to get it over with, get home, and put it behind me. hate traveling to see mother. only doing it cause dad died this year. phasing it out after this. just done.”
“compiling a list of excuses we can use to avoid the holiday’s. Flu is my # 1 front runner. soo don’t want to spend miserable ass bunch of judgmental fuckers.”
“I don’t care about thanksgiving. I don’t get it and I don’t enjoy all the fussing and fretting. Hate sports & parades are dumb. So happy I can stay home and have a normal day with my family this year.”
“I only love 3 ppl I share dna with. the rest can fuck off”
Lots of people loooooove travel and looooooove big family gatherings and having friends over. And that’s wonderful for them. For those of us who really like to be alone more than anything, not so much. If we can have a quiet holiday at home, seriously—that’s the best gift of all.
So listen, if you love someone who really hates getting dressed and doing things, try gifting them with day that includes none of that. A day of quiet solitude, fun snacks, the remote, and good books. Then say happy birthday or happy holidays or just “love you!” and leave. That’s what they want. I promise.
Read More:From The Confessional: We Are Introverts, So Please Leave Us Alone